As the dawn begins today....
Copyright James E. Martin 2014 A New Day
I am feeling depleted, like a barren landscape out of season...but I want to share something and keep going forward...
Copyright James E. Martin 2014 A Barren Landscape
Despite the feelings of emptiness, I will share a couple of cloud-scapes with color and form....there is a sense of a pink and purple funk....
Copyright James E. Martin 2014 Full Contrast
I think I have been shelling out a lot of energy to others in the work environment...and I am on a rebound...not a good one....there hasn't been enough return on investment. That can spell a burnout. Or there is grief, depression, and withdrawal that I wasn't foreseeing that is peeking in.
And I am feeling less in control as I contemplate moving on in my employ....other friends are unemployed or close to it and seeking their next position during the summer hiring lull...so I have a blessing of current work, however disappointing it may appear in my heart and mind...
Copyright James E. Martin 2014 Pink Cloud-scape
I tried to touch base with one friend from my mentoring past and we haven't connected yet. Another friend from across the country called with a dismal work outlook for September...but a prognosis to start writing his next book as a proxy activity. But he seemed ambivalent about that alternative work to keep busy.
Family seems to be doing OK after Mom's passing which is a good thing. The garden is busting with produce. Tomatoes. Spinach. Chard. Summer squash. Zucchini. Broccoli. Potato plants are three feet tall and falling all over themselves! Winter squash plants are monsters. A small but promising outlook for a corn sample and sunflowers. A small bunny rabbit was in the fencing and munching down the bean plants. Durn rabbit. But this morning, I am OK sharing even with the furry critter.
News around the world is unsettling if I really paid it mind. I try not to since I can't impact the world events. Think globally. Act locally, they say. I worked my weekly community service last night serving approximately 100 needy folks with a meal. I pray for them each week as I assist in food prep and cooking, and complete washing dishes and kitchen cleanup. Last night, despite the best of my intentions, I observed some selfishness and lack of gratitude that hasn't left my mind. It made me feel isolated and alone in my giving of time and energy. I am preoccupied. There are the Haves and the Have-Nots. There is Unfairness and Inequity. There is Beauty and the Beast. One is favored. The other not. So, I continue to march through Duty. I am not seeking righteousness through these thoughts and activities...only a giving back. Is it worth it? Is this what I should be doing?
This morning, I awoke very early and I worked my job search with some new search engines and job titles. Nothing concrete to jump at yet. I received two calls from headhunters in the last two days since a new resume was posted. Both kind of cheesy. They are unemployed also and they have to make lots of phone calls to stay in the game each day. There are lots of positions open with my descriptors but little that appears exciting at first glimpse. I think I know that I need to move on to the next ideal position for me. I have the objective written out. Seek and ye shall find. So let it be said. So let it be written. Part of the near term Journey is to seek and find. I am a good Scrounger.
Copyright James E. Martin 2014 Bursting with Color
I am currently so blessed with work, food, shelter, peace, quiet, family, relative health, and insulation from calumnity. Many in today's world do not enjoy those things in their daily lives. I am thinking a good breakfast. But I might forego the pleasure to think about basic and deep needs and wants. Today may be a fight to maintain mental and physical balance. Perhaps a sort of fasting and contemplation instead. Here's a picture from another morning breakfast early this spring. Looking only...it keeps the calorie count down.
Copyright James E. Martin 2014 A Colorful Start
But there is an underlying Dissatisfaction and Unhappiness in me. Dismal disconnectedness. My feelings are not connected to my thoughts. Is this Grief? Is it just time for a work change, change of scenery, and people and mission? Is that enough? Who am I? What am I really about? How do I go about this Endeavor? This Pursuit? One step at a time.....the Daily Walk....the human experience. The Vicissitudes.
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