Copyright James E. Martin 2014 "Run Over by a Truck 01"
To some degree, I was able to see it coming. I was in the midst of someone else's turmoil and lack of experience and lack of self-control and, I see now, there was immaturity at the core shrouded by a veneer of posed maturity. And there were secrets in the background that were veiled from the past. My expected commitment was to provide support and enable the team through a business transition. Mentor and coach. In selected moments, wrought full of sheer panic and fear during the last few weeks, the mentee tried to maintain balance under pressure. Came out of it alright. I did all the right things. Listened when required. Maintained professional distance. Supported. Cared. Stayed calm and collected. Didn't disclose to others. Advised to stay the course. Recommended alternatives. I waited. "This too shall pass". It did. I kept my commitments through a difficult time.
Copyright James E. Martin 2014 "Run over by a Truck 02"
But, in the calm after the storm, the mentee was rewarded and "promoted" [aka "moved aside" in a less important contributory role but given a more important title]. I somewhat expected and anticipated that organizational response since the person is a valued and connected employee and frankly I had seen it before. When one is "tapped", one can do no wrong. What I didn't expect at all is that perhaps Management concluded something awry about me. It's not conclusive yet. But when one is "touched", there is nothing one can do to earn merit. They shouldn't have known of my specific mentoring and coaching involvement at all. Maybe the trusted and confidential communications the mentee asked for didn't go in both directions? Maybe something was inadvertently and inappropriately disclosed during the panic state. I was told I am "on trial". That I should consider this "a warning". Those words were used. But not about what. Or for what. Or what needed to be remedied. There was a lack of constructive approach about how to correct. No interest in correcting the perceived course? Oh. So that's what the truck feels like as it rolls over you. OK. Interesting. Again. Once touched, there is nothing one can do to earn merit. It's a form of bullying.
Not sure how formal the warning was. Poor communications. Tried to ask questions and clarify for effectiveness. Awkward, non-committal response. Dodging. The turmoil and disease of panic and fear may have just gone up one level. A level I now serve. They use the words and instruments of force and coercion and power in an attempt to instill fear and following behavior. At least I can recognize the concept of sickness and not-sickness for what it is. This is part of servant leadership. It doesn't always go well or according to plan. I know I can rise above yesterday and do what is honorable today.
I find the dynamic interesting to say the least. But it tells me what I think I already knew about the organization. A working hypothesis with some evidence to support.
I try to remain optimistic. And as long as they give me a paycheck, I owe each of them at the enterprise the right stuff. My best. My honor and integrity. I can still do that each day I remain. Each moment and event I contribute. There are people to hire to fill the needs. Let's emplace the best for the road forward. But the clock is now ticking down for me. It's time to leave. Everything has its season. It's also important for an artist to know when to stop the painting and call it finished. I have ruined a good effort before by playing too much and too long on a plastic art form.
No matter one's honorable intent, no matter one's extra effort, no matter one's efforts to maintain sanity or integrity, no matter about doing what is right for the "organization", no matter the difficulty or extra emotional energy required, when interconnected with other people, one can get "run over by a truck" or "thrown under the bus" by another. I guess today was my turn. Change is durable and constant in the landscape or portrait views.
So today is not a particularly happy, warm day but a sad and disappointing cloudy day...for me. A bit gut-wrenching. A part of the human drama.
I am mindful that we must be careful what groups, businesses, enterprises we "join". Be wary of who to follow and with whom to fellowship. We are then destined to become like them. We get caught up in their ways. If there is dysfunction amongst the group, we become part of it despite our efforts to remain aloof from the chaos. We learn to adapt to and therefore align to the dysfunction. No organization is inoculated against it. When "team" is important, some members must make up for others. That's the benefit of being together. When one stumbles and falls, there is another to assist. And everything is not fair and equitable in group dynamics.
Being an artist can be a solitary endeavor of contribution. An idea. A thought. An assembly of precepts. A visual depiction. A feeling. A pattern. A personal focus of human energy towards an end. An individual artistic endeavor. A solitary creative pursuit. Is an audience required? Does one have to sell or distribute their art to be an artist? Is art a group activity or necessarily have a social requirement? Can I do my art where I am the audience? Do I need or want others? I enjoy the writing but what is my motivation for sharing on the blog? I enjoy mentoring and coaching but I do not see myself as an accomplished artist or a teacher of art in the least. And with that in mind....
Thesis. Antithesis. Synthesis. Useful in art. Today's exposition was a working out to maintain balance and focus amidst chaos. Can the reader detect the signal amidst the noise? Does a viewer of art always get the intended message? Or is there room and value in the world for many interpretations?
Nice guys do finish last. Under the truck. Hah! Below is the departing view. Come to think of it, isn't this the most popular view for the American Middle Class Vacation? There is more than one meaning and interpretation to the use of a visual image. I am taking the long view.
Copyright James E. Martin 2014 "Run over by a Truck 03"
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