Immediate family members were on hand to surround her in her last days of care. As it should be. I was especially pleased to know after the fact from my Dad that my sister was on hand in the early morning when Mom asked for some help and was there with Mom in her final moments. As it should have been, beloved women caring for one another. I know that Mom was solidly at peace with her circumstances no matter what the potential outcomes. And that has given me great comfort. There is a time and season for all things.
Copyright James E. Martin 2014 Doris Ernestine (Rines) Martin 2014
Perhaps the toughest part of the aftermath was for my wife and I to explain to our seven year-old daughter that her grandmother, "Nanny", had passed away.
Our daughter, "Itsy Bit", is surprisingly mature for a first grader. She is at that age where conversation with her sounds like I am reading a Junie B. Jones book. We thought this to be an important teachable moment. We made sure that we had a picture of Nanny so she would not confuse her two Grandma's inadvertently in the moment of emotional news delivery. We weren't sure how she would receive or react to the news, this being the first close family member to pass away that she knew and interacted with on a close, somewhat routine basis. And we reiterated for clarity that Nanny was my Mom....Daddy's Mom....so she might gain some understanding of the importance and significance of the event through the simple reminder. We were hoping that it would enable the contextual meaning of the situation. Perhaps as she compared and contrasted her feelings about her own Mom, what "loss" and "passing" might feel like in her own experience, she would sort out what her own thoughts and feelings were in her head and heart. Maybe she would work through the idea of how she might feel if and when she experiences her own Mom's similar future inevitable passing. Maybe we over-thought the seven year-old mind. At the kitchen table, she contemplated the news for a few quiet moments with her eyes downcast and then lifted her eyes to make eye contact with us and said "It happens". She didn't say too much more.
The rest of the day of Mom's passing, I spent in a corner garden of the yard, re-tilling and re-invigorating some established flowers and bulbs in a bed that will come up each spring around a semi-circular stone wall and remind me of Mom. A nice way to think about Mom that day. She loved flowers. She gave me Rose of Sharon and Lily of the Valley from her garden. It was a quiet, sunlit Sunday and the local church bells were tolling in the neighborhood as I started my morning. Throughout the day, Itsy Bit would come to visit and bring me a water bottle occasionally. She asked me what I was doing and I advised her that I was fixing up the flower bed in memory of Nanny. She would then wander off to play in the yard and rock away on her swing set.
Later in the afternoon, she wandered over and handed me a note written on a pink index card with precocious content and feeling.
Copyright James E. Martin 2014 Mom Passed Away
Of course, the note made me smile because of her spelling and the double-meaning associated with it. And the two sad faces with elongated drawn down eyes and frowns for extra emphasis and sentiment. But the depth of knowledge and empathetic feeling that was ruminating in the child throughout the day as I had been watching her around her garden playhouse was so very caring and touching in this moment of heartfelt feeling and revelation. It was a tender moment for me. I looked at that note all week, carried it in my wallet, and used it as I told folks about my Mom.
Itsy Bit's middle name is Dora Gwendolyn after my Mom, Doris, and her younger sister, Gwendolyn. Since Itsy Bit has two older sisters removed in age, the naming model and references seemed appropriate for our youngest as we sought her name at birth. Two amazing women in whom I have admired their character and personalities over my lifetime. And the two of them were the best of friends, always "gallavanting" [a favorite family cliche] around New England, having the best of fun through the years. Mom's passing will affect my Aunt Gwen deeply.
To have Itsy Bit in my life each day is to have my Mom still alive and with me in great part. Itsy Bit is a lovely, lively, young lady with a cheerful, caring, giving, helpful persona. She even likes to scrub the walls and the appliances in the kitchen, wash the dishes, and do the chores. Just like Mom. The DNA runs true.
In early spring, I was completing some errands around town on the weekend. After a rain storm, some of the spring freshening petal blossoms had been knocked off the ornamental cherry trees by the wind and the rain. Arranged around a puddle, I was struck by the chiascaro effect of impressionistic color and randomness within the reflected and moistened background pattern. Cherry blossoms depict the meaning of renewal, promise, perseverance, and commitment. But of course, the peak beauty of the blossom is momentary and it's life is fragile and short. It's nice to be reminded that the blossoms return each spring season at the end of the winter's bleakness. There is a cherry tree I planted years ago near the corner garden. Petal Blossoms After the Storm is an eloquent reminder of what I am thinking of today and my associated feelings. Can you tell, dear reader, which way the wind is blowing? It blows in the same direction for us all.
Copyright James E. Martin 2014 Petal Blossoms after the Storm
I am a fortunate man to be surrounded by these women and to have such blessings and reminders of the intimate and fragile but enduring circle of life.
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