The Mid-life Crisis Checklist: What now? What's next?

Charlie Vensel lists seven warning signs that I may be having a male midlife crisis:

1. Persistent Dissatisfaction. Just not happy. Check.

2. Inauthenticity. What happened to the person I used to be? A feeling of having drifted and not being true to my genuine self. Check.

3. Insignificance. I dream of more. Am I just sitting in the chair? Do I feel like I am not making a difference? Check.

4. Shallow Commitments. Depressed at status quo. Trying to recommit to important things and stay the course. Trying to not commit to new things. Rehearsing duty and obligation. But discouraged. Check.

5. Relational Tension. Everyone around me doesn't understand what I am going through and how I am feeling. They are so familiar with me so they can ignore me. This life change of mine affects everyone around me. Check.

6. Leaking. Bored to tears. Trying to contain frustration or angst. Reaching out. Trying to share the journey. Venting to significant others around me. Often isn't constructive. Check.

7. Recapturing Youth. Revert to what worked when I was younger. Hard work. Persistence. Focus. Values. Check.

So there are "good" ways to react? And "bad" ways to react? Three paths to consider. Three choices recommended.

A. Recapture What Worked. Return to the ways of thy youth. May not be the complete solution. Beware of immature or off-limit choices though.

B. Focus on Known Competencies. Dig in. Tough it out. Suck it up. Beware of stubbornness and rigidity as symptoms. Watch for bitterness and anger as a side effect. Beware of vices as an accommodating binge. Avoid the blame game towards others.

C. Grow and Change. Awaken. Mature. Move forward. Answer the call. Maintain self-control and self-discipline. It's about Doing. Duty and obligation. It's about Being and Becoming. Motivated about living and passion. What is it that stirs me but has not been expressed before? Of all the perceived options, select and move towards the best, most authentic things. Manage fear of change and fear of very different and fear of unknown. Beware of radical change. But don't get stuck in the transition and renewal.

Or maybe a little of A, B, and C to round out the portfolio. So Charlie advises:

• Take care of yourself. Exercise, eat well, rest, and do some things just for fun. Can do better. Check.
• Journal about what you are thinking, feeling, and sensing. Check.
• Find someone with whom to mentor and be coached who has successfully been down the path before. Kind of Checked.
• Find someone to hold you accountable to maintain balance. Kind of Checked. 
• Finish well. The jury is still out. To be determined.

Honest Trepidation: Riotous Perspective

I must be in the middle of a male mid-life crisis. 

Started a new job. Money's good. Commute is short. I am busy. Loaded on with too much too soon, I think. Meeting new people. Learning a new company's ways and means. But there is an element of boredom to it.What is this observation, I say to myself?

I don't feel happy. Or satisfied. Or fulfilled. This is not good. I say to myself.

Granted it's been a riotous week. There have been other things going on in my personal life. Causes long hours. Unrest. Background anxiety. Background tension. Nothing terrible or catastrophic. Just daily living in the modern life. New job. My dad had hip surgery. My wife is working long hours and burning the candle at both ends. 

So I am feeling at odds. I don't feel rested. An emotional roller-coaster. Or at extremes. Not centered. Not quite sure how to really sum it up yet. 

A rejection from a permanent job did roll up in this morning's email. From a series of interview's with VP's over a month ago. Hahahah!  The path not taken. They invite to look at other roles on the company website.  A minor anecdote to the continuing saga.

So I just keep telling myself. One day at a time. One hour at a time. One task at a time. One minute at a time. Do what is important for now. Live in the moment. Delay constraining decisions. Pray.

Drove into the yard from work last night. The sun was soon to set. The corner flower garden was increasing its crescendo. Some riotous tulips. I like the color contrast and tempestuous abandon in these shots from last evening. I wanted a different perspective.

Copyright James E. Martin 2015 Riotous Abandon

Copyright James E. Martin 2015 Upright Posture

Copyright James E. Martin 2015 Emotional Extremes

So I have resolved this morning. Taking just one step at a time. With honest trepidation. Seek to learn and inquire. Obtain the meaning in each transaction that builds towards the future task. Ask on a deeper level...what's next?

Funny? Asking about the meaning of life. Now? Asking....why am I here? In this place and time?

I am a nomad, a sojourner, and a stranger in a distant land. An older nomad, sojourner, and stranger.

Seeking oasis.

Yard Sale Season: A Stitch in Time

Yard sale season has started since April 1 and is ramping up into full swing. The flea markets have opened and folks are anxious to buy and sell. The weekend warriors are out in abundance. It has been a long winter of discontent.

On Saturday yard sales, I bought some German beer steins from circa 1960 from an amiable old codger who said he worked top secret projects in Wurzburg, Germany from 1959 - 1966. And drank a lot of beer from these steins. His second wife had died last year and he was unloading stuff. He was contemplative and solemn but seemingly wanting to talk about things. I appreciated the personal story behind the steins.

At a separate sale just down the street from the old patriot, I was able to purchase a cute Hummel No. 255/31, A Stitch in Time. It is 6 1/2 inches tall and has what is known as a TMK-4 trademark, the three line mark, and is dated 1963 which places it at about the same time and place as the beer steins.

Copyright James E. Martin 2015 A Stitch in Time

My wife was born in 1962 in Weisbaden, Germany when her Dad was in the Air Force. These are nice pieces contemporaneous to her birthplace and time. Adding to the memories and making connections. A Stitch in Time.