Honest Trepidation: Riotous Perspective

I must be in the middle of a male mid-life crisis. 

Started a new job. Money's good. Commute is short. I am busy. Loaded on with too much too soon, I think. Meeting new people. Learning a new company's ways and means. But there is an element of boredom to it.What is this observation, I say to myself?

I don't feel happy. Or satisfied. Or fulfilled. This is not good. I say to myself.

Granted it's been a riotous week. There have been other things going on in my personal life. Causes long hours. Unrest. Background anxiety. Background tension. Nothing terrible or catastrophic. Just daily living in the modern life. New job. My dad had hip surgery. My wife is working long hours and burning the candle at both ends. 

So I am feeling at odds. I don't feel rested. An emotional roller-coaster. Or at extremes. Not centered. Not quite sure how to really sum it up yet. 

A rejection from a permanent job did roll up in this morning's email. From a series of interview's with VP's over a month ago. Hahahah!  The path not taken. They invite to look at other roles on the company website.  A minor anecdote to the continuing saga.

So I just keep telling myself. One day at a time. One hour at a time. One task at a time. One minute at a time. Do what is important for now. Live in the moment. Delay constraining decisions. Pray.

Drove into the yard from work last night. The sun was soon to set. The corner flower garden was increasing its crescendo. Some riotous tulips. I like the color contrast and tempestuous abandon in these shots from last evening. I wanted a different perspective.

Copyright James E. Martin 2015 Riotous Abandon

Copyright James E. Martin 2015 Upright Posture

Copyright James E. Martin 2015 Emotional Extremes

So I have resolved this morning. Taking just one step at a time. With honest trepidation. Seek to learn and inquire. Obtain the meaning in each transaction that builds towards the future task. Ask on a deeper level...what's next?

Funny? Asking about the meaning of life. Now? Asking....why am I here? In this place and time?

I am a nomad, a sojourner, and a stranger in a distant land. An older nomad, sojourner, and stranger.

Seeking oasis.