The Mid-life Crisis Checklist: What now? What's next?

Charlie Vensel lists seven warning signs that I may be having a male midlife crisis:

1. Persistent Dissatisfaction. Just not happy. Check.

2. Inauthenticity. What happened to the person I used to be? A feeling of having drifted and not being true to my genuine self. Check.

3. Insignificance. I dream of more. Am I just sitting in the chair? Do I feel like I am not making a difference? Check.

4. Shallow Commitments. Depressed at status quo. Trying to recommit to important things and stay the course. Trying to not commit to new things. Rehearsing duty and obligation. But discouraged. Check.

5. Relational Tension. Everyone around me doesn't understand what I am going through and how I am feeling. They are so familiar with me so they can ignore me. This life change of mine affects everyone around me. Check.

6. Leaking. Bored to tears. Trying to contain frustration or angst. Reaching out. Trying to share the journey. Venting to significant others around me. Often isn't constructive. Check.

7. Recapturing Youth. Revert to what worked when I was younger. Hard work. Persistence. Focus. Values. Check.

So there are "good" ways to react? And "bad" ways to react? Three paths to consider. Three choices recommended.

A. Recapture What Worked. Return to the ways of thy youth. May not be the complete solution. Beware of immature or off-limit choices though.

B. Focus on Known Competencies. Dig in. Tough it out. Suck it up. Beware of stubbornness and rigidity as symptoms. Watch for bitterness and anger as a side effect. Beware of vices as an accommodating binge. Avoid the blame game towards others.

C. Grow and Change. Awaken. Mature. Move forward. Answer the call. Maintain self-control and self-discipline. It's about Doing. Duty and obligation. It's about Being and Becoming. Motivated about living and passion. What is it that stirs me but has not been expressed before? Of all the perceived options, select and move towards the best, most authentic things. Manage fear of change and fear of very different and fear of unknown. Beware of radical change. But don't get stuck in the transition and renewal.

Or maybe a little of A, B, and C to round out the portfolio. So Charlie advises:

• Take care of yourself. Exercise, eat well, rest, and do some things just for fun. Can do better. Check.
• Journal about what you are thinking, feeling, and sensing. Check.
• Find someone with whom to mentor and be coached who has successfully been down the path before. Kind of Checked.
• Find someone to hold you accountable to maintain balance. Kind of Checked. 
• Finish well. The jury is still out. To be determined.

Reminiscing: Back to Basics is Required...Again

I frequently think about Scott Lightfoot and his struggles with unemployment, duty, motivation, inspiration, responsibility as a family man, and with his Artistic Endeavor. He is the reason I started my art blogs. He is gone now after a courageous bout with cancer. I revisited my first blog Impressionism From Idle Acres and many of my entries were a response of my online reviews of his blog entries.

This is my second round of unemployment in the last five years. Work life is changing in America. It may be a truism that as we get older, there is a bias against older employees. Or it may be a bias against higher salaries. A capability of companies with mature processes and procedures to get by with younger, less expensive, and lesser experienced employees. An economy that is the employer-market with lots of candidates available to choose from.

After the year end holidays, and the New England record-setting snowstorms, it appears that the employment market may be picking up again based on my personal activity results. Spring is coming and perhaps the work forces are getting back to the near term needs again after the wintery distractions.  I have a few job interviews lined up with some substance to them. Finally. This week is busy in any case with on-site interviews.

But all along this unemployment path, I have continued my Journey of a Daily Walk, of the Struggle, the Artistic Endeavor, and the Creative Pursuit.

But, thinking of Scott's commentaries, getting back to basics also means discipline. Routine. Having the studio and working the Works.  I have some spring cleaning to do. A lot really. I have my health regained so doing these projects is more feasible now then it has been in the last seven years. I am looking forward to it.

But I remember Scott's dilemma. We only have a limited time remaining. Take each day and make the most of it. Try to focus our Life's Energy to the Creative Pursuit and the Artistic Endeavor. Work mentally and physically through the limitations that impose upon each of us. The Battle. The Struggle. The Journey. The Daily Walk.  I haven't forgotten.

Just do it.

Why Blog? Why Me?

This past week, I attended a seminar on Networking and Branding. The purpose of the seminar was to persuade the audience to turn over a new leaf.

Copyright James E. Martin 2014 Turning Over a New Leaf

Overall, the content and delivery was fair to poor within the context of the audience that attended. It lacked vitality and relevance. I didn't hear anything new that I didn't already know. The seminar failed in its objective of making the message relevant to working professionals.  The presenter had a challenge to take the precepts of new technologies using social media and persuade old dogs to perform new tricks.

I was able to receive the content more appropriately when I tuned it to my use of the art blog. I was the only individual in the generally older audience that had been actively using electronic social media applications to network and communicate. My takeaway from the seminar based on the discussions and opinions rendered....if you are going to use the tools and applications, one must manage one's time, manage the methods, and manage for intended results in order to stay focused on obtaining effective communications. Things can and do get out of control online.

Why blog over the last few years? To formulate and express my thoughts. I think that is the bottom line of this Journey thus far. For me. Even with the occasional hiatus in the diary. There are times to speak and times to be outwardly silent. The outward silence speaks volumes also.

The Journey of the Creative Pursuit and the Artistic Endeavor is a struggle. It has ups. And downs. Days of movement forward. And days of rest. And days of reconnoitering.

And I think I have been straightforward in my blog objective and profile in outlining that this has been a portrayal of my emerging worldview and perspective. My interest in Art has been a vehicle in which to live deliberately and a lens through which I see the Self. If I haven't been Expressing on the blog, I have been Impressing through reading, observing, and adventures. The adventures have been both outward and inward.

The year 2014 has been a milestone year for me. Improved physical health based on knowledge learned and applied. I can physically walk again. Without chronic pain and discomfort. After 7 years.

Along the way, I think the most valuable skill has been the development of my eyes. I see things. Differently. And seek the Meaning in what I am observing. So the mind and the heart is involved in the selection, filtering, and attenuation of the objects observed. There has been much drawing and painting and sculpting in my head. Because that is how I have been able to successfully manage my time available during the day to accomplish my art. And there has been much enjoyment and self-fulfillment as a result.

It has been a time of Collecting and Gathering. I have a sense over the last few months though that my "Cup is Filled to Overflowing".

However, people around me don't understand the Dream. Especially my family. Those closest to me. I have experienced the rejection that artists receive and write about. The Banter. The Bicker. The Blarney.

I went to a Christmas party last night hosted by some former golf friends. I used to play weekly before my youngest child, Itsy Bit, came along. Perhaps the advent of the child, my chronic health concerns about walking,  and other employment-related duties all converged to keep me from my golf endeavors during the past eight years.

The last Christmas party we had attended with this lively group of folks, was when we brought the baby along in a carrier just after she was born. It's been eight years. The folks were wonderfully still themselves. They love the game. They are a fun-loving, humorous bunch. They are still singing the same set of Christmas carols. It's a lovely tradition.

It was really nice to talk with two of the folks at the party because they are amateur artists also. I connected with them about their current Journey. Made Connections about art stuff. Explored a couple of potential new Commitments. Local Art Clubs. Art galleries. Monthly workshops. Meeting with others on a monthly basis. Picking up picture frames for artwork.

A Connection with one guy who doesn't paint as much as he would like....developing a potential Commitment for Collaboration together to each paint one larger work every two months. To stay in touch about art. And getting together more often to do art. Each of us had a partially finished work-in-progress that had been set aside and we discussed how to get it to Done. Since we summer in the same area in Maine, doing a pleine aire Jaunt in Maine together next year.

So today's activity was about Connecting with others. And renewing Commitments. And reinvigorating the Creative Pursuit and the Artistic Endeavor. Not just inwardly. But outwardly.

Copyright James E. Martin 2014 A Bright Clear Winters Day

A different walk. At a different pace. In a different direction. Networking with folks of like mind. Branding the message. Step by step. Just thinking on things.

Beautiful Autumn Days: But Winter is Coming

The fall foliage is waning.

Copyright James E. Martin 2014 Fall Foliage Waning

With twisted trunks leaning against the elements.

Copyright James E. Martin 2014 Twisted Trunks

And leaves with dramatic curves in contrast against the sky and the conifers
.

Copyright James E. Martin 2014 Contrasting Foliage

The dark nights are filled with hazy full moons.

Copyright James E. Martin 2014 Full Hazy Moon

There is always so much to do to tidy the yard for the change in seasons.

Copyright James E. Martin 2014 Getting the Yard Ready for Winter

Seventy dozen bulbs have been placed and mulched into our corner garden in memory of my Mom's passing this year and my late Aunt Elaine from eight years ago. My favorite women who have influenced my life and my thinking and my values. Tulips. Daffodils. Grape hyacinth. New fritellaria, both vulpis and meleagris mix. Scheduled for early, middle, and late spring blooming.  There should be great joy when the new life emerges after a season's repose in the cold, dark earth! How Mom and Elaine loved the flowers, color, and the birds in springtime!

Copyright James E. Martin 2014 Seventy Dozen Bulbs Resting Till Spring

The garden has been pulled up, weeded, roto-tilled, and laid to rest with a bed of shredded leaves. I had a few sprigs of late broccoli, leaves of swiss chard, baby carrots, beet greens, and, lo and behold, there was a handful of late season raspberries! The only thing left for continued use is the kale.

Copyright James E. Martin 2014 Garden at Rest

My wife wanted an additional cabinet to organize in the kitchen and display some of the canned tomatoes and peaches. We bought the base cabinet to match the rest of the kitchen, modified a display cabinet from a store closeout for the upper tier, and added a butcher block top. Our design journey included selecting a palette for the kitchen which includes a yarrow yellow wall, an artichoke green, and the barn red for cabinets. Picture frames in black and in gold leaf on the walls.  All the colors of the bittersweet vine. It's befitting for both American and French country decor. It matches our European style plate ware. It makes me think of our jaunt through the Boston Beacon Hill area last month. One of our visiting young friends looked around at the yellow walls and declared it "cheesy"!  The double meaning is endearing!

Copyright James E. Martin 2014  Palette of Bittersweet Vine

These decisions help us get started on a brief kitchen makeover. I added a window over the kitchen sink looking into the back yard this past weekend. We will see if we can spiff up the kitchen and finish before the Thanksgiving holiday.

The nights are turning colder so a gathering around the fire pit is soothing for mental health and family conversations.

Copyright James E. Martin 2014 Warmth on a Cool Night

These are beautiful, unseasonably warm autumn days in New England. But winter is coming and I am not ready. Trying to Live the Moment. But I am unsettled.

Grief: The Process

Grief is about loss. In the context of this study, I am thinking of the loss of my Aunt Elaine and my Uncle Jim from North Carolina nine years ago. Also, I lost my mom due to cancer this past summer in June. Also, I am working my way through a transition on the employment front so there is a sense of loss there about the past work environment and issues surrounding it, the loss of friends and acquaintances at work, the loss of livelihood, and the temporary loss of a sense of duty, activity and achievement. Some folks close to me have indicated more than once as they go through their grieving, that it is an individual thing and different for each one of us.

There are a number of diagrams online outlining the grief process or the stages we go through to resolve our grief. At a simple, high level, they seem to be (a) Denial, (b) Anger, (c) Bargaining, (d) Depression, and (e) Acceptance. In this simple model, it appears that one has to go through a lot of negative stuff to get to the acceptance part. Perhaps if there is not a lot of bad stuff in life related to the loss, there might be less denial, less anger, and less bargaining and negotiation to go through. In my case, I guess that means I can head straight to the blues!

 Internet Fair Use - Five Stages of Grief

The next model shows some emphasis on the unrealistic changes associated with the loss like shock, disbelief, rehearsing mental scenarios, and fears and doubts associated with the loss. This is not to deny our feelings as not real. But for myself, I know that how I think and feel about things is different than how things actually are. This model also exemplifies well some of the practical issues that arise during the "survival" phase of the grief process. As doubt creeps in, symptoms such as guilt, rejection, wasted time, shame, emotional swings, a crisis of values, inferred and actual blame, isolation, loss of trust, physical and mental fatigue, unfinished tasks, and a change in daily routines become part of Living in the Moment. This model doesn't focus much on the Reorganization phase to get us back into the acceptance of the loss but it hints at things like focusing on the positive, finding meaning, rebuilding the Self, creating new routines, and finding purpose in what we do. OK, so I am in the Survival phase, acknowledging my path forward, and already have a sense of what it will take to reconstitute. Maybe.

Internet Fair Use - Surviving Through Grief

This model makes some sense to me in that during the survival phase, one's mind plays tricks on itself, rehearsing old conversations, things that didn't get done, things that were done poorly, things that could have been done differently, dialogs and differences between the parties, unresolved commitments, etc. There is a lot of repetition and rehearsal in quiet self-talk that occurs. Early on in the grief process I can see that the self-talk is healthy because it identifies the content and feelings of concern. Moving forward though, the repetition and rehearsal of the past can become a bad thing because it doesn't focus on the positive outlook for the future.

The next model speaks to me about two things: (1) breaking attachments related to bonds of the ideal image of the lost one and (2) the "disorganization" aspect of grief whereby we have a sense of sadness, hopelessness, and meaninglessness. For me, this appears to be the clash of values as it relates to a sense of the Self. This entire blog is about the Artistic Endeavor, and the Creative Pursuit. It is about the personal vulnerability surrounding the process of uncovering and revealing Self. It is about Being and Becoming.

Internet Fair Use -  Grief Graph

Particularly as we change from the "disorganized" phase to the "organized" phase of grief, we are resolving our world-view and perspective and releasing from the "bonds of the ideal image" of things lost and attaching to the practical working out of reality as it is in the Daily Walk in a new reality. This change process is allowing the former self to be cast off and the new person to be reborn, so to speak. Seems to be even more of the message about how we are dying every day while we are alive. Change and renewal. This is Living the Moment. This is living deliberately. But there might be some pain and discomfort and depression associated with the mourning of the old self we shed and leave behind. And there may be some self-doubt and anxiety about the new person we are becoming. I suppose it is a type of fear. This is humanity.

This next model points towards some essential elements of the renewal process as we move away from grief.  In past times, I have asked the question "What changes first...Attitude or Behavior?"  I think the answer is they can both change at the same time. As individuals we have to manage our mental thoughts and attitudes and practice those behaviors that help us get to where we want to go. It becomes a self-discipline to do so.

Internet Fair Use - The Renewal Phases of Grief

I like this model for its emphasis on old and new attitudes. Change Denial to Acknowledgement. Change Bargaining and Doubt to Acceptance. Of the way things are in the period of loss or the way things can become in the future. Add the positive feelings of Forgiveness and Gratitude. Not just related to others but to ourselves as well. Cull negative thoughts that hold us back or drag us down. Affirm the new state, the new path, the new destination as it is uncovered. Affirm the new Self.

But it's a roller coaster ride as we transition through our grief and become a new person with a new reality. The events around us, as they unfold, affect our feelings and emotions. We have our up days and our down days.

Internet Fair Use - Phases of Grief Transition

The emphasis on this grief model is Exploring, Testing, and Transformation to build a reconstruction and recovery. I also like the anecdotes in this model where partial recovery is about letting go and releasing some issues and baggage along the way. It's about willfully forgetting some things and moving on. Also, Don't Ever Quit. There is a path to our Becoming. Only we are on it. Only we know it or can know it.  Never Give Up. Even though some days it may not be easy.

There may be factors about our grief that are different for you and I, as listed in the table below. These factors affect the depth of our grief and the nature of our recovery and reconstruction based on, to use my words, the level of Connectedness we have had with the object of our grief and loss. It is also about the level of our Connectedness to ourselves and the level of Connectedness to those around us that remain after the loss.

Internet Fair Use - Connectedness Factors Affecting the Depth of Grief

So part of the grief process is about remaining true to ourselves. And to who we are. And to who we are to become. I have used the terminology before but we should attempt to use our knowledge and experience of the loss as a potential Source and avoid allowing it to become a potential Drain. Our grief experience can become a Drain on our personal energy reserve. Or it can become a Source of our energy reserve to focus our Life Force in a new direction.

On the roller coaster of grief, there are negative and positive activities to which we can focus.

Internet Fair Use - The Roller Coaster of Grief

There are negative Drains that can bring us down and lengthen our recovery and reconstruction. We need to Decide in the moment to stop those negative emotions and thoughts. And then focus our Life Force on the positive Sources that get us back up the Wellness and Wholeness curve:

• Deciding on the right things
• Searching for the new
• Focused exploration
• Informed choices
• Focused study
• Problem solving
• Refining our purpose
• Finding new structures and paradigms
• Building hopes and dreams
• Increasing our internal commitment
• Testing
• Reattaching
• Getting excited and enjoying our satisfactions, our joys, and making our peace once again

I am not an expert in this stuff. I think the biggest limitation I see in these models is that the negative part of the grief process is about feelings. And it is being suggested that we replace those negatives with attitudes and behaviors and action plans. It just may not be that easily said and done.  Just thinking on things for my path forward.

Stuck: On Pause

I want to write but cannot. I want to paint but have not. I want to live deliberately but cannot. These are the doldrums. No wind. No movement ruffling underneath the sails. Quiet. Remote. Still waters. Heavy, oppressive air. Five days of rainy, gloomy weather last week contributed thus to the sense of inactivity and lack of achievement. This too shall pass. This feeling must become momentary for this early morning at the beginning of the week.

 Internet Fair Use - The Doldrums at the Horizon

Gustave Dore characterized the feeling well in the shipboard doldrums below:

Internet Fair Use - The Doldrums on Board Ship

Coleridge wrote:

"Day after day

Day after day

We stuck, nor breath nor motion

As idle as a painted ship

Upon a painted ocean."

I kept at Duty last week doing the things I must do at this juncture in my life's Journey. This also is part of the activity at the equator. Where the interconnected northern and southern winds and currents lay idle. Passing from one hemisphere of activity to the next. I continue to feel Grief. Amidst thoughts of loved ones lost.

Internet Fair Use - Grief 01

After business hours, I search the web for inspiration. Images. Text. People. Energy. But I can summarize when I say that, for me, the web is not the place to center oneself.  I find and discover this again and again. I am dismayed at the trite phrases and quotes that are promulgated about the meaning of life, happiness, and motivation. Philosophies, of course, differ. I think many of the expositions are truisms. There is some truth in there somewhere. But overall, it is all so trite and empty. At least for me in this moment.

I have also reviewed many of the old websites I have collated over the past few years. I remember a few years ago that I hadn't even reviewed any blogs or websites. It was a rarity for me. I think the common themes for most of them upon recent review was that I admired each of the web sites and bloggers for

• Doing what they love to do
• Finding their passion and making it happen
• Discovering and uncovering meaning in their lives
• Branding themselves
• Expressing themselves
• Being themselves
• Energy, enthusiasm, ingenuity, innovation, dedication, persistence
• Producing, not consuming

Many have stopped publishing since the 2011-2013 time frame. Some of them don't even say why. They just stopped. Some of the most creative and entertaining folks which is surprising to me. Many sites don't hold the pizazz and inspiration I must have seen in my first impression. So the links are being deleted one by one. I have the sense that life moved on for these folks. There was a time to share and a need to share. Something changed.

Internet Fair Use - Life is a Roller Coaster

So, for today, for this early morning, I am feeling just Stuck On Pause. The proper response to that dilemma...

 Internet Fair Use - Forget and Move On

...is to start walking...one step at a time. Change. The Daily Walk. Time to start the day and the week.

Change: Tacking to a New Course

"I can't change the direction of the wind, 

but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." 

- Jimmy Dean

Internet Fair Use - Rounding the Buoy

Rounding the buoy for the next leg of the Journey. Have to tack in another direction and reset the sails. It's just what you do when you're sailing. Nothing special or different or unusual.

Blood pH: Acid-producing versus Alkaline-producing Foods

As a follow-up to last Thursday's entry on my Daily Walk over the last seven years to recover my health from symptoms related to acid pH blood caused by food selections, I wanted to provide a brief reference to the book The pH Miracle: Balance Your Diet, Reclaim Your Health by Robert O. Young and Shelly Redford Young.

Internet Fair Use - The pH Miracle Book Cover

I was fortunate to find the book in a health food store as I was searching for more information related to my health concerns. Mostly for me, there was a description of what was going on in the acid and alkaline body balance that was informative, lists of acid-producing and alkaline-producing foods ranked by relative degree, advice on nutritional supplements, and recipes for use. After a quick read, I was immediately able to put the information to practical use.

I highly recommend the book for anyone seeking to reconstitute a healthy food balance for symptoms related to acid and alkaline balance. Basically, the book would suggest to us that all health related symptoms can be traced back to this imbalance. Since I am a natural-born and -bred skeptic, this is a pretty strong recommendation! The applied use of this information changed my quality of life.

The Last Day: My Final Thoughts

Been at my current employ for two years. Put a courtesy call into the guy that hired me since he is at another location. He is the reason I came to work for this employer. On Thursday, I had indicated to management that I was not resigning at this time, did not have a new job lined up, when I found one I would give them at least a two week notice but I was giving them a heads-up that I had made the decision for myself that the company and I were no longer a good fit and I would start looking elsewhere. I was giving them time to perhaps place me aside on a lesser project and coordinate an orderly transition in a timely manner to their benefit. On Friday, after some discussion, we negotiated the end of my employ as of yesterday. I had a unique flash start. I had a unique flash stop.

It is, to say the least, bittersweet. Good people. A novel enterprise. A noble purpose. Some innovations on how to build a business. But it is probably past the time to move on for many reasons. From the perspective of both sides, I think.  I pray the Exit meeting on Monday executes smoothly.

I know this employ was God-given. For many reasons along the way. Right from the start, I was provided for in a unique way. To some degree, it was really just a contract consultative position. Worked in a multidisciplinary manner on many things. Saw and experienced some amazing things. Gained some additional insights. Met some amazing folks. Stellar, in fact. Early on with the advice of, let's call him, my Action-Oriented Mentor, I was able to identify my next best role and responsibility in my career. My best fit. My dream job. The role I have been preparing for most of my life. It didn't have a name until he spoke it. I was able to see the future when it was spoken and discussed. But the door wasn't open at the time. It never opened over the last two years. I had ample opportunity to practice my necessary skill set throughout this employ with that objective in mind.  I was able to add some tools to my toolkit. But in an environment that was almost always blocked and impeded.  It was wonderful.

But I have the sense that something else is being prepared for me. Perhaps to practice these things again but in an environment that is not as frequently impeded. With an Executive Sponsor who has the known Demand for what I am willing and capable and motivated to Supply. Simple economics. It's just business.  I anticipate. I will seek. Perhaps with Providence, I will find. Lord, enlighten and enable the Chiascaro Path.

This also is part of my Artistic Endeavor and Creative Pursuit. These observations influence my art and my expression. Is this Symbolism? Is this Outsider Art? Today's entry is left brain-right brain-whole brain stuff. Lots of neural activity in the corpus callosum today. I am a Journeyman in a strange land.

I have been a program or project manager for many years. Those endeavors have been either strategic or tactical. I have worked at all levels of the organization at different times or at the same time to accomplish the goals or objectives of my executive sponsors. Many different businesses. Many different styles. Many different disciplines of focus. Generally, I have been successful in those project completions. Not perfect, though. Not always. Enough to feel good about. I made a difference along the way.

When I came to this company, there were many project managers doing many different things. I wanted to characterize and evaluate what I was seeing. As a program-project engineering manager early in my career and with my background as a classically trained industrial engineering-psychologist and human factors engineer analyzing the interactions of people with the objects in their environment to perform a mission, I had leveraged an organizational process model for what I will call in today's context: Project Manager C3E2.

Competency: Knowledge, Ability, Skill, Experience (KASE) of the individual contributor
Capability: The combined Competencies of the team to deliver on an objective function, team purpose, or enterprise Core Competency such as a Project or Program Management Office (PMO)
Capacity: The total throughput or flow of the Capability
Effectiveness: The degree of focus and aim of the Capability and Capacity on the target objective or mission
Efficiency: The productivity of the Effectiveness over time and the amount of Waste incurred

But what are the essential elements or Core Competencies to be measured in Project Management? There are many views and perspectives on this on the www and in the professional societies.  Some in vehement diatribes about best practices. Based on my many years of prior practice, and then at this company based on the immediate need, I quickly formulated the following mental model for the Value Flow of the project management process to evaluate what was going on around me. The plus signs denote a spigot, so to say, for Value Flow that when turned on, is a Maximize/Optimize function.  For instance, for the parameters below, let's add more Connectedness. The minus sign denotes a Value Flow spigot for a Minimize/Optimize function. For instance, when turned on, let's decrease blockers, impediments, and risks. The equal sign denotes a Target Objective function with the intent to maximize or optimize Managed Results: based on the relative contributions of the inputs.

+Connectedness
+Commitments
+Communications
+Coordination
+Collaboration
-Blockers, Impediments, Risks
+Capture Opportunities
+Closure
= +Managed Results

What does this model connote? This is a flow model. We turn the spigots, as Sources and Drains, to increase or decrease certain inputs to the model to achieve the maximum or optimized Value Flow out of the pipeline. In order to achieve maximized or optimized Managed Results, project management should adjust the faucets, the Sources and Drains, as follows:

(1) Maximize/optimize Connectedness of the Stakeholders in the organizational framework
(2) Identify, negotiate, strengthen, and holdfast to Commitments among the Stakeholders
(3) Enhance Communications among the Stakeholders in the network
(4) Increase Coordination among the Stakeholders (getting things into alignment with others)
(5) Increase Collaboration among the Stakeholders (working together)
(6) Decrease and remove Blockers, Impediments and mitigate Risks
(7) Increase the Capture of Opportunities
(8) Increase Closure. Finish. Get to Done done. Get feedback in a Retrospective. Use Lessons Learned.

My two year tenure at this company allowed me to verify and validate the use of this simple model. I was also fortunate to find some academic literature and research to back up the component elements.

A failure to do these things, meant substandard project management performance and a reduced outcome for Managed Results. A reduction in Connectedness, Commitments, Communications, Coordination, Collaboration, Capture, and Closure, as well as an increase in Blockers, Impediments, and Risks, pretty much always resulted in a lesser outcome and degraded business performance. If I couldn't "move the dial" on the inputs by adjusting the Sources and Drains, then I couldn't impact the outcome either.  I could read individuals, teams, projects, group dynamics, and the enterprise quite effectively. I knew which buttons to push. It facilitated root cause analysis. I knew what was on my console and what was on someone else's control box. Pretty much always. The review of individuals, teams, projects, and the business fit the model. I could evaluate the down-streams impacts and effects. I found it quite useful. It is how I evaluated my endgame.

So I shared a lot along the way. Coached and mentored. Personally applied the model again and again. Demonstrated personally to myself that it works. I felt like a Journeyman in a strange land. This was like the great California Gold Rush. Hordes of inexperienced travelers of various experienced professions redirecting their efforts and endeavoring to find their fortunes. A measure of mania. Of occasional panic. Of enthusiasm. Of optimism. Of confidence. Of doubt. Exhilaration. Dismay. Optimism. Pessimism. The wild-eyed roller-coaster of manic depression. All of that wonderful diversity of the human drama.

Crossing the great western uncivilized frontier by land, by sea, by rail. The wide, open expanse by foot, by horse, by wagon, by ship, by any means possible. Across parched deserts, road-less mountains, precipitous valleys, and rushing un-fordable streams and rivers. Miles and miles of fortitude and persistence required. Spending what little we have to start the journey, outfitting the teams, and plotting the journey and the way-points to achieve the final destination. The Great Frontier. The Promised Land. Freedom. Financial security. A better future. The Goldfields. To get there first. And stake the claim.

But there are costs and prices and unseen adventures to this endeavor. By Serendipity, I enjoyed the reading of Precious Dust: The True Saga of the Western Gold Rushes by Paula Mitchell Marks (1994) which influences my current imagination. Dust. Dirt. Filth. Grime. Daily living. Leaving family behind. Wearing out equipment, clothes, and shoe leather. Long periods of isolation. Trudging forward. Waiting. Occasional and sometimes frequent emergencies. Where is the fresh water hole for sustenance and refreshing? Poisoned or parched wells. Cholera. Death, disability, and disease. Sickness and health. Carcasses of people and beasts of burden lost along the way. Lack of supplies. Lack of clear access. Lack of available resources. Dialogs and disagreements among the captains of the wagon trains. Indians. Robbers and thieves. Hawkers peddling their goods. Those who serve. Those who expect to be served. Exploiters. The exploited. Beggars. Preachers. Religionists. Atheists. Agnostics. Believers. Unbelievers. Gamblers. Gamers. Opportunists. Humorists. Roughnecks and cowboys. Renegades. Megalomaniacs. Followers. Neophytes. Self-professed experts. Visionaries. Optimists. Pessimists. Artists. Families. Folks of all vintage, country, cast, and hue. Some who turn back. Some who just quietly disappear. Those who go on. Errant signs of direction from those who went before us that can lead us down the wrong path. Ships that sink. Canoes that tip over. Vehicles lost in the torrents. Portage. Ferries and tolls to pay. Discarding the supplies and preparations along the way. Curiously meeting and negotiating with the different, quiet, devout, committed Mormons as they build their righteous, eschatalogical city and offer respite to the travelers in the name of service. Gold-seekers strewing the well-traveled trail of tears with detritus along the path because they no longer have the strength or will to carry the stuff with them any further. This is the Age of Progress in the new land. The new gold. The Boom or the Bust. Technology. The Original Idea. To get there first. And stake the claim.

Lots at stake.  You buying?

The Solar Flares of Employment and Disruption: Change and a Day of Reckoning

Work. Employment. A human energy Source and a human energy Drain. Part of the flow. There are daily ups and downs. I have always said "there are no good jobs". Hahaha. It's a truism. That just means there is a kernel of truth in the assertion somewhere. I am a Journeyman in a strange land. Probably the more true. When we are not interconnected, then we come to know it. This is what it feels like to be a vagabond, a hobo, a panhandler, and a vagrant. The single life. On the outside, as an observer, looking in. Traveling. Apart. This is the human drama. Part of the Journey. This is today.

There is a time and a place for everything under the sun. Change is enduring.  This is not my sandbox.

This is the Game of Survivor on the island. It's real. One can always get voted off the island. It's a game. The rules are there and can be changed. It affects the group dynamics. Just pieces on the board as they are interplayed.

There is no Supply and Demand when the transactions of exchange stop. The joy is gone. The adventure is over. Like the roller coaster slowing to a stop at the end of the ride. The end is near, I think. It's been two years. Tomorrow is Friday.

Could be the massive sunspot activity. Or the comets. Meteorites. Alignment of the planets.

Internet Fair Use - Recent Sunspot Activity

Internet Fair Use - Equatorial Solar Flares

No. On further thought.

I think it's more that I have chosen to be me. To retain the me in me. To hold that value. To invest that value. Perhaps elsewhere. The current return on investment is low. This is the Metamorphosis. Moving to a new vehicle. I think I am looking at it and seeing it for what it is. This is the Medium of Exchange. This is the Buying and Selling. This is the Purchase and Sale of Value.

I am reminded from one person today, I shall call him the Ardent Warbler, who has said something that makes me think of what a past mentor, I shall call him the High-Placed Silent Discloser, has said to me in an earlier time. "He who has the gold makes the rules". I did not return to and ended my mentoring relationship with High-Placed Silent Discloser with that advice. Not because he was wrong in the assertion. It's a truism and I agreed with him so at the time. But I ended the mentoring relationship because the context conclusion he was asserting was that our Ethical Conduct is relative to who is in charge and who we report to. "Follow the Leader" was the simple advice. Conform. But supervisors and managers change. And they each have their own self-interest and self-service that frequently may conflict with the company's interests. I suppose we all do to some extent. And if we follow the leader then our ethics and values change with the leader. We would then give self-control and self-discipline over to another. And an organization as an organism always takes on the personality and temperment and values of its leadership. Always. And I was seeking Ethics at the time from High-Placed Silent Discloser. He was duplicitous and he denied self in his role at that moment of assertion. My eyes were opened to his seeming self-preservation and selfishness in that moment. He did not serve his organization or his leadership well that day. But the paradox is that perhaps he exactly served his organization that day with his expressed value. He was the voice of the organization. It's just that I didn't share that value in that moment. That value assertion has been the organization's undoing as I have watched over time. But it takes longer for the mighty to fall.

Ardent Warbler today has suggested that there are three roles with power and influence to align to and partner with: The One who has the gold, the One who has subject matter expertise, and the One who builds software...they have the power to make the rules and rule the world.  Heheheheh.

So I realize I am using the mental precepts of Us and Them. Me and Thee. There are two sides. Although there is one team, I may well be on the outside at this time. And only now coming to realize it. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. There is a limit to my flexibility and resiliency. I have been pushed too far. And I know it. Today, I have set the limit. I recognize they get to choose in their own sandbox. I also must reconnoiter and negotiate fairly to not be in the sandbox. I get a choice also. It's just Business. But I should give them the courtesy of a heads-up as I work my transition.

I am mindful of the first verse in Psalm 121 and look up the remainder.

1 I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.

2 My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth. 

3 He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber. 

4 Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep. 

5 The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand. 

6 The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night. 

7 The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul. 

8 The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even forevermore.

This also then is a day of Grief. This also is Living the Moment. And Living in the Moment. Please set a hedge about me in the coming storm.  There is a sure foundation, not shifting sands, to stand upon. Amidst the solar flares of energy disruption. Amidst the flow in Sources and Drains.